Dear Diet Coke Talk:
I have been thinking for a while now about getting breast reduction surgery done on the chestal portion of my body. Now, I think that it would be a good thing as far as easing the pains in my back and such, but my dad told me it would be an affront to God Almighty, and then he had one of his fits. Do you think I should go ahead with it or not?
Sincerely,
Walter
Bethany: Now, Walter, honey, the first thing you need to know is that we are not here to judge.
Darlene: No, sir, a man's breasts are his own business.
Bethany: Having said that, you have no business having breasts in the first place. It was a very foolish decision and I hope you see the error of your ways, young man.
Darlene: But we're not judging you.
Bethany: Oh no, we are not. We're just saying it was a stupid, boneheaded thing to do, and your mother is probably very disappointed in you.
Darlene: I would just die if my Gabriel grew breasts. What would everyone think?
Bethany: Nothing they're not already thinking now, Darlene.
Darlene: What?
Bethany: Bless his heart. What we're trying to say, Walter, is that your dad is a horrible, horrible man for encouraging you to keep your breasts, and that you should strive to live your life by doing the exact opposite of what he'd do.
Darlene: That's right, Walter, you go out and schedule that surgery!
Bethany: And then you become an atheist!
Darlene: And then get gene therapy to prevent getting epilepsy like your father!
Bethany: And then become a woman!
Darlene: That's right, I'd forgotten his dad was a man.
Bethany: Indeed he is, Darlene. And then you go right back to the surgeon and get the breasts put back again because you are now a woman and it simply would not be right to not have breasts.
Darlene: It would be so wrong. (sluuuuuurp)
Bethany: (sluuuuuurp) Well, that's it for Diet Coke Talk today! Don't forget to visit our sponsor, Diet Coke.
I have been thinking for a while now about getting breast reduction surgery done on the chestal portion of my body. Now, I think that it would be a good thing as far as easing the pains in my back and such, but my dad told me it would be an affront to God Almighty, and then he had one of his fits. Do you think I should go ahead with it or not?
Sincerely,
Walter
Bethany: Now, Walter, honey, the first thing you need to know is that we are not here to judge.
Darlene: No, sir, a man's breasts are his own business.
Bethany: Having said that, you have no business having breasts in the first place. It was a very foolish decision and I hope you see the error of your ways, young man.
Darlene: But we're not judging you.
Bethany: Oh no, we are not. We're just saying it was a stupid, boneheaded thing to do, and your mother is probably very disappointed in you.
Darlene: I would just die if my Gabriel grew breasts. What would everyone think?
Bethany: Nothing they're not already thinking now, Darlene.
Darlene: What?
Bethany: Bless his heart. What we're trying to say, Walter, is that your dad is a horrible, horrible man for encouraging you to keep your breasts, and that you should strive to live your life by doing the exact opposite of what he'd do.
Darlene: That's right, Walter, you go out and schedule that surgery!
Bethany: And then you become an atheist!
Darlene: And then get gene therapy to prevent getting epilepsy like your father!
Bethany: And then become a woman!
Darlene: That's right, I'd forgotten his dad was a man.
Bethany: Indeed he is, Darlene. And then you go right back to the surgeon and get the breasts put back again because you are now a woman and it simply would not be right to not have breasts.
Darlene: It would be so wrong. (sluuuuuurp)
Bethany: (sluuuuuurp) Well, that's it for Diet Coke Talk today! Don't forget to visit our sponsor, Diet Coke.
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